Thursday, October 02, 2014

Me and Minne-me in Minneland

Salaam Alechem!
Here in Minneland everyone is born a Lutheran or Catholic.
The only real exception to this is those of us that come from outside.
We're tourist (short term, meaning just visiting the Mall of America)
or survivors (long term, veteran shoppers at the Mall of America.)
Or, as in my case, I'm the latter with a mixing in of equal parts
sarcasm and cynicism.

Ya sure,ya can be born Minnesotan
but you can't be born a cynic.
Still speaking for myself, in my most incoherent manner,
I was born a cynic with a dash of fire.
However, I'm digressing from the subject(really there is one!).

According to Coco (my youngest girl who is just as sweet as me,
but 1/8th the size, I shall call her 'mini me'),
Camp Snoopy in the Mall of America is the place to go.
As there are lots of shops (as well as the 'Snoopy' playground),
I couldn't agree more.

While most Minnesotans (let's call them Minnes!)
would snowshoe in a blizzard or shoot the rapids in the Boundary Waters
or ice fish or attend church on Sunday,
not me (or the mini-me)!

My idea of the great outdoors is the distance between the car
and the front door to the Mall of America.
And the only wild life I want to see is the Mall's south side walkway
on the third level after 9 PM.
Oh sure, mini-me and I could be swatting mosquitoes and picking ticks off
while tramping through some flooded wetland in search of loons;
Or, we could be sleeping with the rest of the Minnes
in the back pew of the Church; But, call us crazy,
we'd rather run up the visa card while downing lattes a
nd eating cinnabons in search of the perfect zen experience at the Mall!

So thinking of joining us at the Mall?
If so you should know that the mall receives more visitors
than any other site in the nation averaging 750,000 tourist a week.
It even beats out Disney World and the Grand Canyon
as the most visited attraction. It needs no heating in the wintertime
because visitors bodies and miles of lights keep it warm enough.
It has over 500 shops, 49 restaurants, 8 nightclubs and 14 movie screens.
(,,,yes we've been to every shop!)

It has Camp Snoopy (a theme park located in the center of the mall),
Underwater World (a 1.2 million-gallon aquarium
located in the lower level of the mall),
a Lego Imagination Center (even adults can play with the toys!)
and anchor departments like Macys, Nordstrom's, Sears and Bloomingdale's.

Simply put, Mall of America is the Mecca of my religion.

They have trained guides (laymen for the shopping impaired)
or professional shoppers(apostles or any amateurs)
who can aid you with your buying trip.
They provide day care or motorized wheelchairs,
shuttle buses or taxi service.

From Planet Hollywood to the Virtual Juice Bar,
the MoA is the greatest monument and church to the yuppie generation.
Forget Mt. Rushmore, Washington's monument, St. Pat's Cathedral
or the Statue of Liberty,
come to Minneland to see the Mall of America…...
and me…..and mini-me…... Services 7 days a week.
Find me in the yellow pagers
under 'Born to Shop' or 'Mocking the Universe',
take your choice...

Ste.Jane with mini-me in Minneland

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